Reminds me of a friend I knew back in my folksinging days. He’d sit tuning his 12-string, and mutter into the mike, “I’m gonna get this damn thing tuned and have it welded.” That’s us addicts, through and through. The one thing that’s constant is change. When we resist change, we create unhappiness, and that leads in directions we can’t afford to go. Charlie had no intention of changing, he just wasn’t going to use. It doesn’t work that way.

And that IS how it is.

When an addict takes drugs, it’s abuse. Doctor’s prescriptions mean nothing. Half the addicts in the country — probably a lot more than half — have prescriptions. If you hadn’t wanted to take them, you would have refused the prescription. Be honest with yourself. You chose to use drugs. Now you can choose not to. But don’t make excuses. I’m sorry you felt the need to do some more research, and even sorrier that you’re going to have to go through all the misery again — but that’s what addiction is: a disease of relapse. We don’t always pick up, but we do relapse. Relapse comes before we start the drugs, otherwise we wouldn’t take them, would we? I hope you make it for good this time.

Do yourself a favor. If you’re really serious about this, dump the “relief in a bottle in the next room” down the toilet. It will relieve you of the constant torment of knowing they’re there. Hanging onto them is what we call a “reservation.” (I’m going to do this, but just in case….)

Stay in touch. Rant, scream and rave if you like. It’s OK for the next four days. I strongly suggest you get to some meetings — but you knew I was going to say that, didn’t you?

In any case, keep on keepin’ on. It’s about all you can do for now.

Bill

PAWS can and often does last for months after the last drug has left the system. You are in PAWS the entire time; you’re just asymptomatic for varying periods. Stress is the big trigger, but sometimes the symptoms just come on. Your brain chemistry is getting all mixed up as various portions of your brain improve. They’re not all in sequence, and that throws your neurotransmitters off and makes you feel strange.

No, you do not get PAWS while you’re using. Those are the effects of the drugs and of acute withdrawal. PAWS stands for post-acute withdrawal syndrome. It comes after acute withdrawal, which is the period during and just after the drugs leave your system. PAWS symptoms are usually more or less the reverse of how the drug made you feel. Nervousness, anxiety and confusion are the norm for people who used opiates and tranquilizers. It will go away on its own. You have no control over it, except for taking care of yourself physically and emotionally. Worrying about it is like trying to think a broken leg well. It just ain’t gonna happen, but if you don’t take care of yourself, you can certainly slow the healing of the leg — and the brain.

Yes. You’re over-analyzing the heck out of it. Just be in the moment. It is what it is.

Bill

I don’t want to seem simplistic here, but the answer is simple. You’ve been stressed. PAWS is aggravated by stress. In your case, where anxiety is also an issue, the stress is greater. End of story.

Entertain yourself. Read a book, have some fun, take a walk, talk to someone, go to a movie (not at home, go out, and go with someone else). The PAWS will go away, but worrying about it will only make things worse.

Hang in there,

Bill