I know you’re looking for help here, but I cannot counsel you over the internet. It is unethical, and not in your best interest. Furthermore, since I’m bound by a code of ethics and you’re asking specific questions, I can’t even offer an opinion. Contrary to what many people think, ethical counselors do not give specific advice to non-clients, just as doctors do not diagnose non-patients. It gets back to the fact that most communication is non-verbal. If we can’t communicate with accuracy, nothing can be accomplished — just as a physician cannot ethically diagnose without an examination.

My general advice, given as a “civilian,” is that it sounds like there is some sort of problem and you should develop a relationship with a counselor who can give you specific help.

It would be unethical for me to counsel you, since I haven’t met you and can’t do so face to face. I do appreciate the fact that you are reaching out, and I will say that I believe you are doing the right thing. We can’t force help on others; we can only look out for ourselves.

I know this has to be driving you nuts. Good luck.

I don’t know your husband. It would depend on his long-term behavior and whether it has changed.

Generally speaking, marriage should be a partnership with few secrets, and any change in long-term behavior — especially in the direction of things that seem irrational or otherwise not in the best interest of the marriage — should be looked at closely. Perhaps you could confide in a clergy or counselor and get some more specific guidance.