Monthly Archives: January 2006

The Terri Schiavo Tragedy: avoiding it ourselves

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Moral, ethical, religious, and humanitarian issues notwithstanding, I’m sure that all of us would like to spare our loved ones the agony that was visited on the Schiavos. The way to do that is to make it both clear and legal, in writing and in front of competent witnesses, what our desires would be in the event we are enmeshed in similar circumstances. If Terri had done that, instead of communicating only verbally with her husband, fifteen years of other people’s agony could have been avoided.

Dr. Barry Baines is associate medical director for Hospice of the Twin Cities, and the author of Ethical Wills: Putting Your Values On Paper. Here is the gist of a conversation he had with Michele Norris, of National Public Radio, on the subject of “living wills.”

A living will (or “advance care plan” or “health directive”) is a written, signed, witnessed and notarized set of instructions that details the kind of medical interventions you want–and do not want–to receive in the event that you become unconscious, terminally ill or otherwise unable to speak for yourself.

Most living wills are accompanied by another document, executed at the same time, called “durable power of attorney for health care decisions,” “health care proxy,” health care surrogate,” or similar name, depending on the state in which it is executed. This document designates someone, usually a spouse or child, who will make decisions for you if you become incapacitated. It is important to talk your wishes over with your proxy in some detail, so that they will be able to carry them out if necessary. It is also a good idea to make such arrangements a part of your medical records with your primary care physician, and with any specialists you may consult.

An “ethical will” is a way to record and share your values, hopes, beliefs and life lessons with your family, friends and community. It can help identify things that are important to you, and can make it easier to complete a living will. It is not a legal document. Think of it as a list of everything you would like to pass on to others.

Depending on the state where you live, rules for living wills may vary. Some states allow the medical directives and power of attorney to be on one form, while others require that they be separate documents, (Florida, for instance.) Laws also differ on who can sign as a witness, and on how many witnesses are required. Many states do not require a lawyer to write a living will, but it is a good idea to check carefully the laws in your state.

Regardless of our state of health, we owe it to our loved ones (and ourselves) to avoid the horror of a situation such as Terri Schiavo’s. Terri was only 25 when her accident took away her ability to make decisions for herself.

Parenthetically, I would point out that if you believe your family might not agree with your wishes, a living will and carefully-chosen health care surrogate become even more important.

The National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization, which represents hospice professionals, offers free, state-specific living will forms through their Web site at http://tinyurl.com/66ryv .

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

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The wonderful Alice Miller, one of the originators of the modern theories of family dynamics, wrote of what she called the “poisonous pedagogy,” that body of emotional conditioning that is passed from unskillful parents to their offspring, from them to their offspring, and so on and on.

As someone–it may have been Alvin Toffler–wrote, “parenthood is the last great province of the amateur.” Except in cases so rare as to be insignificant, we were raised by people who learned all they knew about parenting from the examples of their own parents. In most cases, that chain extends back into the dimness of antiquity. If we were very fortunate, our parents learned relatively benign skills from their folks and, through their efforts in raising us, passed useful skills along to us as well.

If we were not so fortunate, we may have had modeled for us a version of the poisonous pedagogy. As someone else wrote, “if the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail.” In a crisis, we perform as we were trained. It is completely unreasonable to expect amateurs, trained in parenting by other amateurs, to react to the crises of parenthood differently from their own parents–regardless of their intentions to the contrary. Thus are carried forward the doctrines of mindless obedience, certainty of corporal punishment, and respect for persons of authority simply because of their position, (and regardless of their behavior.)

It is easy to see how children brought up subject to such rules become vulnerable to all sorts of abuse. Dictators, autocratic bosses, clergy, military superiors–all love to get their hands on the products of the poisonous pedagogy, because they are so easily controlled. (These, by the way, were the predominant principles of childrearing in the Austro-German society of the late 19th and early 20th Centuries. Dr. Miller, despite her name, was Swiss.)

Which brings us to the subject of respect. WordWeb defines it as “The condition of being honored (esteemed or respected or well regarded).” That’s pretty clear. The kind of respect that we are asked for by the poisonous pedagogy, however, is different. It adds unconditional and fear to the mix. We are adjured to keep our mouths shut, and “respect” our parents no matter what, even though they may in fact be child abusers of the first order, hopeless alcoholics, stupid, or just plain wrong. The same standards are held to obtain for bosses and other authority figures. The mythology of respect requires that it be rendered as mindless obedience, (or at least silent disagreement,) and that it prevent us from questioning openly the decisions and whims of our “betters.”

When considered in the light of reason, the illogic is clear. But in the shadows cast by a childhood filled with unacknowledged abuse, the verses read differently. It is evident to a majority of people, I believe, that apart from a certain general regard to which all sentient beings are entitled, respect has to be earned. Some of us learn this later, rather than sooner, as a result of disillusionment and painful experience. Some never learn it at all. Others figure it out early on, and give lip service to the pedagogy only to the extent necessary to ease their way through life. In many cases, that is sufficient. There are, however, times and circumstances when one needs to be very clear about the degree of honor to which an individual or organization may be entitled.

When individuals or groups, whoever they may be, hold in their hands the well-being of others, their performance must be judged by the strictest of standards. If airline passengers and crew afforded mindless respect to any greying pilot with four stripes on his sleeves, ignoring the aroma of fine bourbon about his person, we would soon have a seriously decimated but far more sophisticated body of flyers.

Other such situations may be more difficult to discern because of emotional issues, but are nonetheless just as important. A world leader who claims to care for all mankind, but who contributes directly to its misery by refusing to allow people the education and means to make reproductive decisions, preventing others from helping as well, is not a compassionate person who cares about all mankind, regardless of position or reputation. He is simply a person exercising power for other reasons, whatever they may be. There are myriad additional examples.

The price of respect must be paid in advance, and the coin is service to others, with minimal regard for personal considerations. I say minimal, because complete disregard would in many cases qualify the individual for the honor posthumously, or put one in a position where he was less able to help. A CEO who ignores the welfare of the stockholders and chooses on his own to spend millions on anti-pollution technology would be guilty of misfeasance, and properly replaced by someone less flighty. A more measured approach might well accomplish far more over a longer period.

Altruism, the quality of unselfish concern for the welfare of others, is given short shrift today. General consensus seems to be that such is the province of saints. I put it to you that such is the province of all who would be thought genuinely human. Compassion, forgiveness, loving kindness and the other aspects of the human spirit are the things that make us unique–that separate us from the other beings on the planet. They are also the things that should command our respect, and are a useful yardstick for the measurement of our leaders and ourselves.

Namasté

Quote of the Week

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“This is the ever-present push-pull of the culture. This is how we stumble toward the light, gasping and bleeding and with painful rope burns on our wrists. After all, there is no progress forward — intellectual, spiritual, sexual or otherwise — without a concomitant blood-curdling scream from the power brokers and the religiously terrified to hold it all back. Change brings fear. Sexuality brings confusion. For every person who has his rigid homophobic ideology shattered by “Brokeback”’s emotional hammer, there is a confused neocon who redoubles his efforts to replant it.” – Mark Morford

I might have been a bit less vitriolic, but I’d be happy to claim this article “as is.” Please read the rest of it.

Humility? You decide…

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There’s a thing in the area where I live (possibly all over, since I don’t live all over) of showing religious affiliation by decorating vehicles. This can range from the common Christian fish to rosaries, malas and prayer beads hanging from rearview mirrors, to bumper stickers, to–in some truly extreme cases–entire vans painted with religious scenes or inscribed, usually in an unskilled hand, with religious verse.

Overall, I believe these efforts speak to the desire of all humans to “be a part of” and so indicate by exhibiting the totems of their tribe. While in some cases these displays may indicate true piety and a desire to spread the good news, the anthropologist in me believes that it’s an identity thing, and as such harmless at least, comforting at best, and attracting the ire of those who disagree at worst. All in all, however, very human. A similar impulse is probably responsible for the desire of some folks to wear jerseys inscribed with the names of heroic sports figures or that of their team of tribal warriors.

I’m not, however, so sure this is true of the latest fad, which is keeping one’s particular holy book open on the dashboard of the car, so that folks who approach the vehicle are exposed to this extra indication of religious zeal. These displays are generally unreadable, given dirty windshields, small print, sun-fading and dust on the book itself, unless perused at close range–and, perhaps, not even then.

In this case, it seems to me, the display exhibits not piety, but grandiosity: Look at me, how holy I am! Such cavalier exposure of scripture to the depradations of the elements also seems to me slightly sacriligious.

Since a major characteristic of all the major religious founders was humility, one wonders whether these folks have truly gotten the message. Does one who lives such beliefs even feel the inclination to trumpet them to the world?

Or am I being judgmental, and thereby displaying my own grandiosity?

Namasté

Letter

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Doug,

I think I may have been unfair to you when I mentioned only that the **** marketing strategy didn’t fit for me. That probably gave you the impression that I disapproved of it for some reason. That’s not the case at all. It is simply not right for me.

Buddhism is based on the idea that attachment to external things, and our inability to attain them, is the cause of all suffering. The Buddha even went so far as to say that we shouldn’t become attached to his teaching, but simply use it as as a guide until we move beyond it. The whole idea is to understand completely that no-thing can make us happy–that happiness comes from letting go, not grabbing for more. The Eightfold Path–the way that Buddhists try to live their lives–involves thinking, speaking, even working in ways that further such attainment for all beings, should they desire it.

Marketing is based on arousing people’s discontent. Network marketing simply does away with the middle man; the arousal is by direct contact instead of through advertising. The underlying philosophy is clear from the fact that no one is concerned with teaching people how to sell product, but rather how to sign up more sellers and motivate them to attract still more. The downline is the whole point. The arousal of more discontent is the whole point. While there is nothing wrong with the concept morally, for me purposely to arouse someone’s feelings of discontent, then work to keep them aroused, would be directly antithetical to Buddhist ethics.

Thank goodness we don’t all believe the same things. Wouldn’t it be a boring world?

Whaling Protest: Greenpeacer Knocked Overboard, Sea Shepherd Out of Fuel

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SOUTHERN OCEAN, January 16, 2006 (ENS) – A Greenpeace activist was dragged into the sea by a Japanese whaler’s harpoon line late Saturday, the group says. The Greenpeace ship Arctic Sunrise has been chasing the Japanese whaling fleet in tandem with the Sea Shepherd vessel Farley Mowat to prevent the Japanese whalers from killing whales in the Antarctic Sanctuary. More

Honesty in publishing (and recovery)

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“A Million Little Pieces,” by James Frey, became the best-selling book by any American author last year, on the basis of a recommendation by Oprah Winfrey and Oprah’s Book Club.

Now it turns out that Mr. Frey played loosely with the “facts” in his memoir, which chronicles his recovery from drug addiction and alcoholism. Mr. Frey (and Oprah) defend this, stating that the facts are within the bounds of a memoir, which is, after all, based on memory. In this case, however, Frey not only exaggerates the length of time he spent in prison–by a whole bunch, since he was incarcerated for only a short time–but also admits that he made up some of the things that supposedly happened to him as a result thereof.

I haven’t read the book, and I’ve no idea what constituted Mr. Frey’s downfall and recovery from addictive disease, although, having travelled that road myself and spent over 16 years in a 12-step program (so far), I can make some pretty serious guesses. What I do know is this: the basis of a program of recovery is total honesty, with self and with others. To the extent that we accomplish that end, to that degree do we develop into healthy individuals.

I worry for Mr. Frey, and wish for him the recovery that he so publicly claims. I would remind him, as well, that similar problems are what led to the Tradition regarding anonymity. Finally, I suggest that he call his sponsor immediately.

The Fourteen Precepts of the Order of Interbeing (Tiep Hein)

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1. Do not be idolatrous about or bound to any doctrine, theory, or ideology, even Buddhist ones. Buddhist systems of thought are guiding means; they are not absolute truth.

2. Do not think the knowledge you presently possess is changeless, absolute truth. Avoid being narrow-minded and bound to present views. Learn and practice nonattachment from views in order to be open to receive others’ viewpoints. Truth is found in life and not merely in conceptual knowledge. Be ready to learn throughout your entire life and to observe reality in yourself and in the world at all times.

3. Do not force others, including children, by any means whatsoever, to adopt your views, whether by authority, threat, money, propaganda, or even education. However, through compassionate dialogue, help others renounce fanaticism and narrowness.

4. Do not avoid contact with suffering or close your eyes before suffering. Do not lose awareness of the existence of suffering in the life of the world. Find ways to be with those who are suffering, including personal contact, images, and sound. By such means, awaken yourself and others to the reality of suffering in the world.

5. Do not accumulate wealth while millions are hungry. Do not take as the aim of your life fame, profit, wealth, or sensual pleasure. Live simply and share time, energy, and material resources with those who are in need.

6. Do not maintain anger or hatred. Learn to penetrate and transform them when they are still seeds in your consciousness. As soon as they arise, turn your attention to your breath in order to see and understand the nature of your anger and hatred and the nature of the persons who have caused your anger and hatred.

7. Do not lose yourself in dispersion and in your surroundings. Practice mindful breathing to come back to what is happening in the present moment. Be in touch with what is wondrous, refreshing, and healing both inside and around you. Plant seeds of joy, peace, and understanding in yourself in order to facilitate the work of transformation in the depths of your consciousness.

8. Do not utter words that can create discord and cause the community to break. Make every effort to reconcile and resolve all conflicts, however small.

9. Do not say untruthful things for the sake of Personal interest or to impress people. Do not utter words that cause division and hatred. Do not spread news that you do not know to be certain. Do not criticize or condemn things of which you are not sure. Always speak truthfully and constructively. Have the courage to speak out about situations of injustice, even when doing so may threaten your own safety.

10. Do not use the Buddhist community for personal gain or profit, or transform your community into a political party. A religious community, however, should take a clear stand against oppression and injustice and should strive to change the situation without engaging in partisan conflicts.

11. Do not live with a vocation that is harmful to humans and nature. Do not invest in companies that deprive others of their chance to live. Select a vocation that helps realize your ideal of compassion.

12. Do not kill. Do not let others kill. Find whatever means possible to protect life and prevent war.

13. Possess nothing that should belong to others. Respect the property of others, but prevent others from profiting from human suffering or the suffering of other species on Earth.

14. Do not mistreat your body. Learn to handle it with respect, preserve vital energies (sexual, breath, spirit) for the realization of the Way. Be fully aware of the responsibility of bringing new lives into the world. Meditate on the world into which you are bringing new beings,